I constantly battle within myself whether being a headstrong independent “I can handle it all” kind of woman is good for me or not. Like it or not , I have been brought up to be someone who can take care of oneself and handle a few of other peoples’ problems as well. As a child I was not this shy timid girl but played with the boys rolling in the mud and never afraid of the dark. My Dad made me the dare devil I am today. He made me go to the bank while still in grade eight, allowed me to cycle to school that was 6 kms away, even pushed me to go out at 10p.m in the night to the shop.
He also taught me the value of money quite early – not by starting a piggy bank, but by getting me to earn it while I was still all of 13 years old- (My first job was that of a library assistant for a princely sum of Rs 350 a month. I used to find it great fun because I was actually getting paid to keep reading books. Keeping a register and handling money was little work compared to the rewards of reading all evening.) As I got to keep the money I earned, my independence and confidence blossomed. From then on, all through college until today, I have found it a breeze to earn money. This brought with it a die-hard self reliance that I’m not wiling to trade for anything.
But I realized that for me as well as many other women of today, being self-reliant also means that u have all the trappings of today’s woman-- who knows how to drive, who can buy anything at will, who can handle any kind of crisis due to resourcefulness, can multi-task (ur a manager after all). Therefore, u gotta pay the bills, manage the maids, raise children, handle in-laws and what-not. When you are juggling so many things, you are tempted to think u r a superwoman. But u don’t let that thought last long coz ur already punishing urself on all the pending items in your things-to-do in this lifetime( like getting an hourglass figure, chasing ur long forgotten dreams, reading thamizh classics, learning to play African drums or to speak the Zulu language) so u end up feeling you are no good.. look at the Indra nooyis of the world, feel miserable once more and then grumble for a while.
All this while there is a huge dichotomy in you.
Though you don’t think of urself as a superwoman you can’t take it if others don’t consider you one. Also, it bothers you that your male colleagues selectively make use of your claims of superwoman in failing to extend simple courtesies to you.
Example :When with your male colleagues, you find it infra-dig to ask for help or to expect niceties like opening a door or pulling a chair for u, because u cannot stand their condescension on u being the weaker sex or the fairer sex. So you end up opening all the doors and pulling all the chairs while being hit at and suffering borderline sexual harassment.
That’s when u get really tired of being a macho woman. You just wanna put up ur hands and say “ Be chivalrous. Open doors and pull chairs for women. Be sweet gentlemen!
When I spoke to a few women friends and colleagues on the macho woman dichotomy, I found that there were many other kinds of women out there. The resigned home-maker who has accepted that her role is at home and lets the man bring the money, but at times goes through an identity crisis, the resentful home-maker who thinks she suffers at home and therefore ends up transferring her frustration on all around. The hi-flying career woman who walks out of the responsibility of family and not-so high-flying husband cause she found all that too much trouble.
What’s common in all these women? A throbbing undercurrent of discontentment? Always wanting something else other than what’s your lot in life? I wish I knew. But I can speak for myself when I say that, being at peace and harmony with oneself is a sure way to stay happy. So I grumble for a little while, but pull up myself soon saying, “Start running MACHO woman, you have this one life after all!!”
He also taught me the value of money quite early – not by starting a piggy bank, but by getting me to earn it while I was still all of 13 years old- (My first job was that of a library assistant for a princely sum of Rs 350 a month. I used to find it great fun because I was actually getting paid to keep reading books. Keeping a register and handling money was little work compared to the rewards of reading all evening.) As I got to keep the money I earned, my independence and confidence blossomed. From then on, all through college until today, I have found it a breeze to earn money. This brought with it a die-hard self reliance that I’m not wiling to trade for anything.
But I realized that for me as well as many other women of today, being self-reliant also means that u have all the trappings of today’s woman-- who knows how to drive, who can buy anything at will, who can handle any kind of crisis due to resourcefulness, can multi-task (ur a manager after all). Therefore, u gotta pay the bills, manage the maids, raise children, handle in-laws and what-not. When you are juggling so many things, you are tempted to think u r a superwoman. But u don’t let that thought last long coz ur already punishing urself on all the pending items in your things-to-do in this lifetime( like getting an hourglass figure, chasing ur long forgotten dreams, reading thamizh classics, learning to play African drums or to speak the Zulu language) so u end up feeling you are no good.. look at the Indra nooyis of the world, feel miserable once more and then grumble for a while.
All this while there is a huge dichotomy in you.
Though you don’t think of urself as a superwoman you can’t take it if others don’t consider you one. Also, it bothers you that your male colleagues selectively make use of your claims of superwoman in failing to extend simple courtesies to you.
Example :When with your male colleagues, you find it infra-dig to ask for help or to expect niceties like opening a door or pulling a chair for u, because u cannot stand their condescension on u being the weaker sex or the fairer sex. So you end up opening all the doors and pulling all the chairs while being hit at and suffering borderline sexual harassment.
That’s when u get really tired of being a macho woman. You just wanna put up ur hands and say “ Be chivalrous. Open doors and pull chairs for women. Be sweet gentlemen!
When I spoke to a few women friends and colleagues on the macho woman dichotomy, I found that there were many other kinds of women out there. The resigned home-maker who has accepted that her role is at home and lets the man bring the money, but at times goes through an identity crisis, the resentful home-maker who thinks she suffers at home and therefore ends up transferring her frustration on all around. The hi-flying career woman who walks out of the responsibility of family and not-so high-flying husband cause she found all that too much trouble.
What’s common in all these women? A throbbing undercurrent of discontentment? Always wanting something else other than what’s your lot in life? I wish I knew. But I can speak for myself when I say that, being at peace and harmony with oneself is a sure way to stay happy. So I grumble for a little while, but pull up myself soon saying, “Start running MACHO woman, you have this one life after all!!”
