OPEN SESAME!

Nobody opens doors for me. And I’m not talking about the doors of opportunity. I am talking about simple manual elevator doors.

When you take the elevator alongwith your friend/colleague (any equal in terms of physical ability) you would expect that, when the lift stops, your companion volunteers to open the door just as you do. Eventually, one of you moves faster than the other and the door gets opened.

In this whole process, there is no discomfort even if you ended up opening the door, because the other person came forward or at least made a polite gesture.

But here’s what happens in my case. When the elevator stops, my companion(gender no bar, salesmen no bar) invariably suffers a momentary paralysis attack and goes into complete stupor. I am expecting this moment because I am almost always exploited on this aspect. So I try and outwit that person. Pretend to be in stupor too.

Stupor versus stupor. Tick. Tick. Tick.Tick. TICK TICK WHAMMM! That's my panic attack propelling me stronger than the force of gravity in the direction of the door. Out shoots my hand to open it.

I LOSE.

Stupor doesn’t work for me. So I get creative and try other tactics. I fiddle with my cellphone or my watch at that precise moment to keep my hand from rushing to the door. Once I even tried a mosquito-bite-on-my-foot excuse to bend down and get the companion to open. Sometimes this works, but only partly. Which means: the companion opens door, steps out and BINGO-stupor strikes him again. He walks out in comatose condition and gets away without waiting to help me close the door behind us.

The extra polite recorded voice from inside the lift that beckons me to “PLEASE CLOSE THE DOOR” sounds to me like a saucy “Ha! Lost again? Face it. You are a born DOOR-OPENER. Go on now. Close it”.

I WILL. DAMN IT#$$%%^^&^$#@@!$%^^&&#$%^^^&*


These days I take the stairs leaving companion to fend for himself.

“Sado-masochistic” you say. But “Companion go to hell”, say I.

(The elevator takes you there faster). HE HE HE!